From draft to thing

I was a bit delighted to uncover an old FB status from 2012 the other day in which I had, in my winsome way, publicly jotted down some vague song ideas. I’ll spare you the draft of the first song except for the chorus, which seems to be addressed to a younger fitter gay male friend:

so let me just say that if you seriously meant it / and if you really think you aren't ridiculous

then dude you have Body Dysmorphic Disorder - heyeyey / and you want to get that looked at

My favourite part is the heyeyey! They should put a few of them in the DSM VI or whatever number they are up to now.

I also quite like the next idea. I think it’s quite modern-feeling actually. Here it is.

hey you are like - good - and you could maybe - be relaxing to be around - and you know - possibly there could be something there in the way of feelings

and I sometimes think of you when - the weather is like this - breezy - at this kind of time of day or something

I want to make some words - a poem sort of thing - to show the way I feel

but there's no real details that stand out - and I won't make shit up - because in a way it seems pretty serious

You have like - nice enough eyes - and you are a good height - and I like it when it's more or less four or five o'clock if I've gotten a few things out of the way

and then sometimes you send me a text about stuff - that is nice

Chorus: I'm sorry to be so vague but I do actually like you quite a lot

That’s quite nice and dreamy isn’t it?

OK the last one interested me the most because it actually turned into a song I used to sing quite a lot with Tessa Aboud and Dan OpdeVeigh back when I was cool and in a band.

sometimes you find yourself / feeling under pressure / to do stuff that you know how to do

sometimes there's a thing to do / with really clear rules / and you can do it so easily

that's it's really hard NOT to do it / even if you don't wanna

or you don't wanna just then anyway

sometimes it's useful to just go through it / to run your programme and just get the result

and then sometimes it is exhausting / and you'll find yourself with another outcome

just like the last twenty times you did it

And you'll be asking yourself why why why

 So one of the things about writing songs is that mostly it is better to SAY what it is you HAVE TO SAY and not just dance around it. People can be mystified and uncomfortable and half-aware about their own emotions. They need writers to write something down that might help them make sense of their experience, I think! Anyway that was the draft and this was the ‘‘thing”.

Things you can do / Lie there in wait for you / Knowing you know how they’re done

Things you have learnt / Lodge in your fingerbones /Wink in your eyes like the sun

The rules are so clear / And they fit in your hand / It’s easy to roll ‘em out dry

You know you know how / And when it’s that easy / There isn’t much need for a why

It’s good that I never learned

How to poison someone

How to hold up a bank with a gun

For too many things I have learnt how to do

I keep doing and doing until they are done.

Sometimes it works / At least something happens / You run your routine and an outcome comes out

But somewhere inside / You know you’re not driving / The road drives the car and you’re wincing with doubt

It’s good that I never learned (etc)

You feel the pull to start it

The method is right there

To not just sleepwalk through it

You have to let what you don’t know

Have time and light and air

Everyone should really write their own songs. You feel great singing them to people. You have to keep working on them til you really like them yourself first of course. You can in fact get quite a lot of satisfaction, in my experience of life.